how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
