as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
