There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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