someone threw a dead crab at me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
