My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
