I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
