and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
