Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
