I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
