Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
