So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
