When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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