Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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