he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
