Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
