just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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