he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
