Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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