Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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