and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
