They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
