So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
