mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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