Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
