At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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