Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize