my sisters under your porch take her home
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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