Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
