you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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