what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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