I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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