you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
only you would photoshop your dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
