So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
