Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
