So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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