Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
