i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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