he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the day after is always just damage control
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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