Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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