WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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