How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
