Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
