U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
