that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
