I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
