He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
