hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm really into asian looking animals
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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