he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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