Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
