This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
