I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize