new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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