turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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