somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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