I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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