Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
