i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just threw up on my dentist
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
