you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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