textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
