Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
