I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
