Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
