And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
