i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize