erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This toilet bowl is my home.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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