Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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