We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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