Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
