Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
