Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
