On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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